Q. My husband has a very bad displeasure. I’ve been married to him for the last 15 years and every time something goes against his wishes, he starts yell and throwing whatever he has in his hands on to the flooring. It could be the newspaper or a receiver or even a coffee mug. During his last outburst, he smashed a chair. I am mortified of his outbursts and dread that he will end up getting violent with me too. What’s worse, our nine-year-old son too has ongoing throwing similar tantrums and I am extremely worried about that. While he is not angry, my husband is caring towards me and a doting father too. But, the bad tempers are increasing day by day. My father-in-law was a violent man and my mother-in-law bore the brunt of his fighting. I don’t want to end up like her. Please guide me.
A. Your husband positively has a problem. He’s probably learnt his performance from and your soon is learning it from him. Children absorb and imitate what they see. So, you are right thinking that there is a likelihood that your son too will turn out to be an angry little guy. He needs to know that there are other, better, more satisfactory ways of express his frustration. But, for that to happen, your companion needs to change his behavior first. Your husband’s seen his father getting aggressive with his mother and you are very likely to become the victim of his violence. Act before it’s too late. Be adamant that he go together with you to a psychotherapist and get to the root of the problem. The psychoanalyst will arm your husband with techniques like deep breathing and consideration to be used for relaxation and in all probability use cognitive behavioural therapy to help your husband change the way he thinks about certain situations and behave differently. The counselor will make out the root cause of the stress and pressures and help him build coping mechanism. Your will see how his anger can change his health and relationship and most of all, the way it’s shaping your son’s individuality. The counselor may also suggest some lifestyle changes, an exercise schedule and a tweaking of his diet, as it’s necessary to lead a balanced life to be able control anger. Coping with anger is an acquired skill which involves unlearning some of the bad behaviors that result from aggravation. Once in therapy, your husband will make him improved and happier. A little help supervision and your son too will learn to be more pleasant.
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